End of Funny Maid Stories?

Last night, the maid did something to piss me off. I can't remember what .... she does so many things to upset me throughout the day.

And when I woke up this morning, I found that she sterilised 2 baby feeding bottles. But not the other 6. I asked her why. She gave me a look like "Huh? I'm supposed to sterlise ALL the bottles?". What would compel her to just sterilize 2 bottles and not all of them?

I then found out that when I'm not watching, she washes but does not sterilize the bottles! I then lost it. I can see the funny side of eating bad egg tarts or writing on tables (with a PEN!) but when it comes to baby's hygiene, it won't let it slide.

So Lord Gaga went to talk to her. But she still had no answer. I guess these maids do things without thinking and therefore can't explain their actions.

In the afternoon, Lord Gaga and I went out for a few hours. When we got back, we could not find the maid. When we are out, she often sleeps or daydreams at the balcony. We could not find her at either of those places. So upon a second round of checking, we concluded she has run away.

Yayyyyyyy!!!! I can't believe the relief we felt. Yes you read right. It was relief and not shock.

I was just telling Lord Gaga that I'm going to give her one last chance. If she screws up again with something stupid, I'm going to personally kick her ass back to Cambodia. So now I don't need to do anything.

We can now leave our money or phones laying around at home. We can relax and not worry about what nonsense she is up to next. We can enjoy the air in the home (she had really bad BO even tho we bought her antibacterial soap, got her to shower 4 times a day and got her to drink a lot of water).

I don't want another full time maid as it seems like finding a good maid is 1 in 100. Will try an get a part time maid in and see how I manage that way.

So no more Funny Maid Stories? Hmmmm. She may be gone but there's lots more I've not posted. Stay tuned.

Funny Maid Story #8 - Cloth & Sponge

My maid uses one particular cloth to wipe the floor. So I scolded her when she placed that same dirty cloth on the kitchen counter top where we prepare food. I explained that it was dirty and could contaminate our food. She said okay.

So what did she do next?

Use the scouring pad for washing the sink and tile ...... to wash our coffee mugs.

*faints*

She really will be the death of me.

Funny Maid Story #7 - Cooking

I met up with an old friend who also had a baby. She said that she will be bringing her baby and maid to lunch. So I said I'd do the same. We went to Reunion in Bangsar Village II to have lunch and chat while the maids watched over the babies.

Both our maid were Cambodian but hers had been with her for a longer time so understood more English.

My friend and I were exchanging stories (in Cantonese or Bahasa) about our Cambodian maids and realized that they are all the same!

Both the maids:
- Stand out at the balcony to day dream and sing songs
- Eat A LOT
- So much so that they put on so much weight that they rip their pants or buttons pop off

We allowed the maids to converse with each other in their native language for a while.

My friend's maid later told my friend who told me that my maid said that she likes it when I cook for her. All 3 of us laughed out loud and said that SHE was the maid and that she should really be the one who cooks for me and the family.

Sigh. Maids these days.

Funny Maid Stories #6 - Knives

We periodically do checks on the maid's room to ensure she is keeping it clean and not hiding anything. During one of these spot checks, I found knives in her drawer. I'm not talking about just a butter knife, carving knife or even a cleaver. It was an entire set of Lord Gaga's Victorinox hotel school knives. There must be about 10 different knives in there!

We freaked out and confronted her. She could not explain herself. We hauled her ass back to the maid agency where the agents drilled and questioned her. She was crying but still could not explain her actions.

We brought her back and I asked her again. What I managed to get out of her was that she was cleaning the knives. If that was the case, would she not have returned the knives to the kitchen where they belong instead of keeping them in her room?

Worrying, isn't it? Not sure what to do with her and what is going through her head.

This is definitely not one of the funny stories.

Funny Maid Stories #5 - Table Writing

When our maid first arrived, we were in the midst of moving from one house to another. One day, Lord Gaga was in the old house and noticed that there were some scribblings on our pine wood table. In pen. It couldn't be either of us and there were no kids in the house. We asked the maid if she wrote on the table and she said yes. Is that crazy or what? We gave her a shelling and warned her not to do it again. We put it down to her being a village girl and not knowing that a table is not for writing on.

A few days later, we found out that she did it again! This time it was on the marble kitchen counter top of the new house.

We scolded her again but are not sure if she understood that what she did was wrong. We need to treat her like a 3 year old kid who goes crazy with a crayon when unsupervised.

Funny Maid Stories #4 - A Visit To The Doctor

Many Cambodian maids are village girls. The maid agency told us that some of them are so unexposed that when they come over here, the do a Number 2 on the floor instead of in the toilet. We were appalled but was glad to know that our maid was not like that. Ours was smart, apparently.

But her hygiene isn't the best. We keep on asking her to wash her hands after she finished her chores or before preparing food. But she washed her hands by pumping soap onto her hands and immediately washing them under running water. I had to explain to her to wet her hands first, then rub the soap all over, then only rinse it off. It took her several tries to get that right. And even then I need to constantly supervise her hand washing or she will shortcut it again which not only means her hands remain dirty but she is literally running the soap down the drain.

Recently she said she had a itch down there. I brought her to the doctor to have it checked out. Doc said it's due to hygiene! Guess I'm not surprised. If she can't even wash her hands properly, how can I expect her to keep her body clean, right? We got home, I gave her the meds and sent her to bed after telling her not to take the meds on her own.

The next morning after breakfast, I wanted to give her the meds again but she said she took them already! Freaking out, I asked her what she took because the doses and meds for night and day are different. Not surprisingly, she took the wrong doses. I can only hope she is fine, doesn't fall ill and her ailment doesn't get worst.

Hmmmm ... these stories are getting less and less funny. And more and more worrying.

Funny Maid Stories #3 - Egg Tarts

A friend came for a visit and brought 6 eggs tarts. We finished 3 and I put the remaining 3 in the fridge.

I then forgot about it till more than a week later when the maid brought it out and asked if I wanted to eat it. I told her to throw it away and DO NOT eat it. Egg tarts are made from eggs (duh) and does not keep well.

I then went out with Baby A to meet a friend to pass something to her.

Once done, I headed back up. The maid seemed shocked to see me back so quickly.

Immediately, I smelt something. I asked the maid if she was cooking. She said no. But I did not believe her and I asked her again. She again said no, but less convincingly this time. I asked her yet again and after a long silence, she said she put the egg tarts that I asked her to throw away.into the oven and ate them. I freaked out and asked her how many she ate. She said one but upon checking the box, there were none left. I told her to throw it away for a reason. Did she want to fall ill?

I know that these maids come from very poor backgrounds and often don't have a lot to eat. In order to reassure her, I gave her a basket of food that I keep well stocked with rice, noodles, bread, biscuits and other snacks.

But this does not seem enough for her and she needs to eat bad food?

Luckily, she did not have a stomachache.

And it is very worrying that she is lying.

Hmmmm ... this story isn't that funny. More like a potential visit to the doctor.

Funny Maid Stories #2 - Eating for 3

Our Cambodian maid arrived about 5 months ago and it was pretty good timing because we were moving house. And because of that, we hardly cooked so we at out a lot. Since we had her with us, we could not afford to go to nice fancy restaurants so we often went to taichows or coffee shops.

We noticed that she eats a lot and always answers "yes" when we asked her if she was still hungry.

We know that one portion in a taichow is usually more than enough for a person with a moderate appetite. In fact, I often order one portion to be shared between 2 people.

Since the maid is always hungry, we ordered for her 2 portion (this means it can feed 3 - 4 people). She whacked the entire mountain of rice!

Just to test just how much she can eat, we ordered her another portion of noodles. She finished that too!

We almost fell off our chairs but did not dare try test her with yet another portion...

Often her meals costs more than Lord Gaga's and mine combined!

Previously I felt it was very unkind of families to go out for dinner but made the maid eat before going out. I totally understand now why they do it! I don't mind paying for ean xtra mouth but to pay for 3 more?

I just weight the maid. She arrived in Malaysia weighing 48kgs. As of today, she is 58kgs. She put on 12kgs in 5 months!!!

I do understand that they come from poor backgrounds and have not had such good food before. So when they see food, they can't help but consume as much as possible. I call this the hamster mentality. So we do let her eat. But there's got to be a limit.

She can't fit into her clothes anymore and is now wearing the clothes I used to wear when I was pregnant!

When will this stop? She is eating us broke.

Funny Maid Stories #1 - Washing Machine

Once you have a baby, most couples will opt to get a maid. It isn't cheap. Initial agency fees and advanced salary average at RM8,000. And depending on the country the maid is from, the monthly can range anything from RM550 to RM1,500. Cambodians are the cheapest so far, starting at RM550 for a new maid (read: no experience), Indonesians at RM600+ (but hard to get one these days due to the embargo) and Filipinas at RM1,200.

We got a new Cambodian maid because we were told that they are the easiest to get and the cheapest. And we should not worry about her not having experience because it's better to train her to do things they we we want it. Hmmmm. Language and communication will be a problem tho. Double Hmmmm.......

Our Cambodian maid has been with us for almost 6 months. Instructions are made with a combination of English and a lot of sigh language. They do pick up languages very quickly tho.

Most of these maids come from the village so they are in total culture shock when they get here. Guess there's an adjustment period on both the maid and employer's end.

I've had many frustrating incidences with this maid. She totally stresses me out but I keep telling myself that it will be stressful without a maid too. So I just need to be happy I have help and try and forget the teflon pan she ruined, the table she wrote on (in PEN!) and many other stories that have totally frustrated me.

Instead, I will try and see the funny side of things. And I shall post them here for your entertainment too.

So here goes. Funny Maid Stories Number 1.

The maid knows how to use the washing machine. So I tell her that the clothes must be separated to dark and light loads. And washed separately. I proceeded to separate the clothes to demonstrate to her. She says "Okay Ma'am". I went back to check and she did indeed do the separation correctly. Later in the day, I found that the washing machine has finished its cycle so I asked her to put the clothes in the dryer.

When she opened up the washing machine, I asked her why the darks and lights were in the same load. Why didn't see do separate loads?

"Yes ma'am. I put. Dark here (indicating to the left side of the washing machine). Light here (indicating to the right side of the washing machine)."

*faints*