Tuesday, January 29, 2008


I’m so angry. I woke up angry. I’m still angry now.

Last night, we had a family meeting after dinner. My ideal wedding is cosy and personal and graced by the presence of 80 close friends and family. There will be lots of flowers and fairy lights. My dad will be walking me down the garden path which will be scattered with rose petals and flickering candles at the side. I’ll walk up to Paul, we’ll hold hands, say our vows and the pastor will give his blessings. Then I’ll throw the hand bouquet and we’ll all celebrate together and drink champagne.

The in-laws idea of a wedding is 300 people, out of which 50% is not known to the bride and groom. It will be held in a Chinese restaurant because it can accommodate a lot of people without being too expensive and has good food even though there is no ambience. Children will be invited because some families do not have a nanny. Chinese food will be served because fusion or western food will make the older or more traditional relative feel out of place or not able to appreciate the fare that’s laid out. Flowers will not be important because they are expensive and a waste of money.

I’m trying to keep an open mind. I’m trying to understand the Chinese way of thinking (but I’m so not Chinese!). I can understand the theory of “if u invite this person, you can’t not invite this other person”. But it’s because of this that we’ll have an extra 100 people there.

My dream wedding is going further and further away from the reality of being married the Chinese way.

I can’t reiterate enough how I totally get why Fruitcake merely signed the legal papers without having a wedding whatsoever. She did try to compromise and talk to the in-laws but it just became unbearable at one point that she rather not have a wedding at all even though it hurt her to make that decision. And Lola wanted her dream wedding too but due to both sides of the family who wanted to invite the world, she had to hold 2 separate wedding banquets in 2 different locations 1 month apart. And once she was done, she was too exhausted to plan her own dream wedding, not to mention the high cost factor involved. From what I calculated, my wedding will cost more than RM100,000, the bulk of which is attributed to the F&B for 300 over guests.

I can’t imagine doing 3 weddings either but should I just give up my dream just like that, just like so many brides have done in the past?

To be practical, the answer would be yes. This is to save money and appease the in-laws because a good relationship with them matters to me because we’re going to be family for the next few decades.

We’re still working it out and trying to come to a compromise. Paul has been great. I understand he’s in a difficult position, stuck between what his parents want and what we want yet trying to find a balance so that the issues don’t blow up in our faces. He’s trying as much as he can to stick up for me and trying to find the best ways we can all come to a compromise since what we all want is at the total opposite ends of the spectrum. And unlike most grooms, he’s totally involved in the planning process. He’s called up 10 different venues so far.

Well, to all the young girls or single girls out there, please do not dream too much about your wedding. It’s something most girl thinks about at some time of their lives but the reality will crush you. The first few weeks after the proposal will leave you walking on air with a smile on your face. And once the wedding planning starts, the lovey-doveyness quickly turns into gut-wrenching hair pulling pain.

It sounds like a nightmare and it is. Especially when most of the places are already fully booked for the date we want. So not only can’t we agree on a location but the ones which we’re prepared to compromise on have been taken up.

So I’m now hoping to find a venue which is still available and has a garden so that I can do my garden wedding and also a big hall so that the in-laws can invite the rest of the relatives for dinner after that.

I haven’t been this angry in a long time and there’s 9 more months till the wedding.


Ghim Eu said...

it's never your wedding. it's always your parents'. hang in there. you'll get your dream wedding yet.

Bubbles said...

Unfortunately that is the case for most Asian families. It's very frustrating for the modern non-traditional bride and groom. So I'm glad that we've since come to a compromise of 2 weddings - 1 Chinese wedding dinner for the in laws and older family members. And 1 for my fiance and I where it's just close friends, champagne and canapes.